Pistachionuts

Friends vs. acquaintances

2006-04-08T11:23:00.000-07:00

Friends. How many do you really have? What makes someone a friend? I think it's one of the more overused terms when describing relationships with other people. I think people like to think they have a lot of friends, but I don't think they really do. They may KNOW a lot of people.....have lunch with a lot of people......talk frequently with a lot of people, etc, etc, but are these individuals really friends? I doubt it.

Personally, I don't think I have many......very few, in fact. Why? I don't think it has anything in particular to do with me or my faults, etc. I just think my idea of a threshold of a friendship far exceeds that of the majority of our culture's population.

How many people in your life can you REALLY count on? I mean, when life deals you the shittiest cards......when you're at your lowest point......when you're in your most dire need (which might also be the most humiliating or embarrassing moment), how many people that you call friends would actually be there for you, no matter what?

For example, how many would come to your aid at 3am in the morning? How many would help you if you were arrested for something that society considers despicable or shameful? How many would stand behind you in your darkest moment?

Think long and hard about that. You never know when one day you'll really need a FRIEND and you need to know who to call at that moment, or you could find yourself very lonely.

Your thoughts?

Insane experimentation

2006-03-26T18:27:00.000-08:00

I did them all......in one unfuckingbelievable night. It's a wonder I didn't die. But now I know.......now I know what it's like. What each one has to offer and how they all mix together.

It took a week for all the crap to get flushed out of my system........to feel normal again. I now understand the seductive power of drugs.......how people get sucked in......addicted. You can't imagine the rush it was.......unless you've tried it, you have no fucking idea.

I experimented. I survived. I don't recommend attempting to replicate my adventure.

Insane curiosity

2006-03-14T12:32:00.000-08:00

I'm a 40-something guy who grew up without ever experimenting with drugs.....not even one puff on a joint. Nada. Nothing. Why, now, am I insanely (and I mean I think about it a lot) curious about:

GHB

Ice

Crack

Ecstasy

What is inside me that makes me feel drawn to these things when I have no experience with them and have generally been anti-drug my entire life??

Your thoughts?

Tired......

2006-03-05T18:48:00.000-08:00

Oh so very tired and drained and exhausted........physically, mentally, spiritually. What else is there?

Mythical multiples.....?

2006-02-12T17:55:00.000-08:00

Lately, I'm beginning to believe it's not a myth. I think it is actually possible.

For years, I've heard about the possibility of a man having a multiple orgasm, but I've always been a one and done sort of guy. I mean, give me 10 minutes or so and I'm ready to go again, but the idea of having back-to-back orgasms has always been something I thought impossible. But lately......within the past few weeks, I've come (no pun intended) oh so close to having a multiple orgasm.

During my many moments of self-pleasure (I take my time and take awhile to get there) over the past several weeks, I've had an orgasm and just kept stroking myself........and I can feel it building again. The same build-up......getting closer and closer, but to no avail. I just can't quite get there. But I've gotten close enough to now believe it's not only possible, but that I'm actually going to obtain such mythical status eventually. I just need more practice.

So what's going on in your world?

Merlot.....

2006-01-28T19:07:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I drank the entire bottle. Over a couple of hours, no doubt, but it has rendered me pretty buzzed. I had such a stressful day I needed an escape. Just a little mindless moment that renders me pretty much useless. Hell, I'm not sure viagra could get me hard now. But I could still eat your pussy like you've never experienced before. Did I mention that I'm a pussy conneseuir? (ok, so I misspelled that....give me a break.....I just drank an entire bottle of merlot).

Sometimes I crave sex and physical closeness so badly, but to no avail. I've been married nearly 20 years, but that is the one thing lacking in my marriage. Passion. Lust. Raw, carnal desire. Sometimes I just want to FUCK. Not make love. Not be tender and compassionate. Just FUCK. You know......the raw, carnal nature where you don't even notice if your'e leaving bruises or not. Where you almost crave the bruises and the bite marks. Nothing but pure orgasmic bliss in focus. Yours. Hers. Total, carnal (that's my word of the day, btw) bliss. Coming so hard you get dizzy and disoriented. Where you think you'll die from orgasm. What a way to go, by the way.

That's what is attractive about April to me (where the hell am I's blog). The same things turn us on. Talk about pure complimentary bliss. We'd tear each other to pieces, but we wouldn't care. I have great intuition about people. She and I would be great together......sexually, at least. I don't know if we could co-exist otherwise, but we'd fuck each other's brains out like there is no tomorrow. That, I'm sure of. She's hot. I'm definitely above average (if I do say so myself), so the physical elements would all be there. She mentioned it herself in her own blog.....(loosely quoted)...."if only we could act on our desires.....". I can only dream about the possibilities. But then who knows......I had a relationship with a woman who was 1000 miles away and spent two of the most glorious weekends of my life with her. So who knows......maybe April and I will meet someday. Anything's possible, right?

A Fetish of mine......

2006-01-20T11:48:00.000-08:00

I love to look at women's hands and feet. Not just any fingers and toes, mind you, they have to be pretty. Well manicured and pedicured. Polish is optional, as long as they are pretty. I can't tell you how happy I am during the summer when women are wearing sandals all the time. Unlike a lot of men who stare at a woman's breasts, I make a quick glance to fingers and toes.

How do I define pretty, you ask? Well, I know it when I see it. Nice proportions to the toes, both in length and width. If you're a foot model, I want to look. If you bite your fingernails, I probably don't want to look and that's a strike against you before you ever say a word. Your feet need to be feminine, too. That doesn't mean they have to be dainty size 5's, because I've seen some 10's or 11's that catch my eye, too.

I'm not into toe-sucking and the like......I just like to look. I guess you could call it a sexual fetish, but foot play is rarely involved in my sex life; however, it is a turn-on to see a woman with sexy hands and feet. I will admit to enjoying giving a woman a nice foot massage, but I just call that foreplay.

Your thoughts?

Masturbation......

2006-01-19T17:40:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I admit it. It's a favorite pasttime of mine. More of an art form, actually. For me, it's not just about getting off. I want a quality orgasm. I want to feel it all the way to my toes. I like to prolong the pleasure, letting it build slowly......slowly.........backing off and letting the tension subside briefly before building it back up again......over and over. And then when I can't take it any longer.....that's when I jump off the cliff, so to speak.

Quantity can be good, too. I'm a daily guy, myself, generally. Occasionally, I'll go for a three-bagger in a day, but that's about my limit at this age. Yeah, the last one is usually rather dry, but it still feels awfully damn good. The other thing I've noticed is that it doesn't seem to dampen my desire for partnered sex. It's certainly not a replacement for great sex, but rather a nice supplement. I could masturbate right now, but if my partner was up for a rumble, I'd be ready to go in just a few minutes.

I've tried to remember when I did it the first time. I couldn't have been more than 12 or so, but I can't really remember. I just remember spending a lot of time in the bathroom. My folks probably did wonder why I went through so much toilet paper. And those darn toilet paper rolls......nearly a perfect fit for a nice snug tug. I was never a shower guy, either, not as a youth and certainly not now.

I usually do it in my office now......one of the benefits of being self-employed with your own private office. I'm also not generally a porn guy....my imagination is all I need. However, hearing a woman climax can get me over the edge pretty damn fast (phone sex with the right woman can be pretty damn spectacular). There's not much sexier than a woman having her own orgasm, especially if I'm a part of it. That makes for great mutual pleasure.

So what about you? I know you do it. How often? How varied? Porn/no porn? Tell me.

A list of my own....

2006-01-15T16:39:00.000-08:00

Borrowing on the many lists that others frequently share, I thought I'd add one of my own.

1. I was involved in an online affair that lasted more than ten years. We first met online in 1994 and maintained constant email and phone contact for a period of ten years, despite living 1,000 miles apart. We actually consummated our affair on two separate glorious weekends. The chemistry was magical and I still love her in many ways. I haven't seen her in person in a number of years, and I still miss her. I regret ending things. I still know how to contact her.

2. I've been married for nearly two decades. My marriage is ordinary and lacks the passion and romance that I crave, but we have children, are friends, and otherwise get along well. I think my wife has been loyal despite my indescretions. I don't believe she knows about them, because I am a very difficult person to "read." I'm also very, very careful.

3. I pursued affairs as an outlet for the passion and romance I so desperately craved, but I couldn't handle the emotional involvement (except for the online relationship mentioned in #1) that would inevitably develop. I stopped having them or seeking them a number of years ago.

4. About 6 years ago, I discovered a new outlet for what I was seeking, one that was much less complicated and allowed me to avoid emotional entanglements (for the most part), while still allowing me to experience what I wanted. I do feel guilty about it and struggle with it morally at times, but so far I have rationalized my way into continuing to dabble in this arena.

5. I'm a fantastic kisser and I can't (well, can't is probably too strong a word) have sex without lots of it. I'm convinced the best barometer of good sex is the kissing. If it's great, the sex will be great. If it's not, the sex will be mediocre, at best.

6. If you're a woman, I doubt you will experience better oral sex than what I can give. I know, I sound cocky, but trust me, I've had enough feedback to be pretty sure of my abilities in that area. I also have a distinct passion for doing it and could go for hours or until you can't take it anymore.

7. I'm pretty athletic.

8. I have a college degree, along with a high IQ.

9. I've got the "hots" for April on "where the hell am I". She can be found here: http://lavenderisrose.blogspot.com/

10. I've visited a professional dominatrix before. It was quite the experience.

A Belated Merry Christmas

2005-12-26T15:49:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's been several weeks since I last posted. I guess time really flies during the holidays and while it has been good for me lately, I always feel a little melancholy right after Christmas. It's kind of like a long, slow build-up to the actual day and the day after feels, well.....a little empty.

Despite my "dark side" that I mentioned in an earlier post, I'm a Christian (and trust me, I have trouble reconciling many of my flaws and sins, if you will) and attended church services on Christmas eve, complete with a finale of Silent Night where everyone in the congregation lights a candle while they sing. It's a very neat effect and I always feel close to God during those moments. It's also during those kinds of moments that I feel really remorseful about some of the things I have done and still think about doing (and actually do at times). But I also believe strongly in grace and forgiveness. It's a very confusing time internally, actually. On the one hand, I can feel so close to God's Spirit and in the next breath feel utterly dirty and sinful. It's a struggle I've had for years, ever since I became a Christian in the early 90s.

Do any of you struggle with the same things?

More than two....

2005-12-09T19:42:00.000-08:00

Several years ago, during a period in my life where I was bored and restless, I frequented a call-in chat line. One night I responded to a couple who were seeking a third for a MMF threesome. Although I have always been fairly open-minded and uninhibited, this was definitely venturing into unchartered territory. Within half an hour, I was on my way to their house.

I arrived to find a house mostly dark, with only one dim lamp on in the living room. They invited me in and offered me a beer. I was nervous as hell, so I took them up on their offer. I was pleasantly surprised at the woman. She was in her mid-20s, attractive and curvy with gorgeous breasts. He was just an average guy, but a little muscular and athletic looking. Based on our telephone conversation, this was supposed to be all about her, so my mind was going wild with the possibilities. He wanted to watch her with another man and possibly be penetrated by both simultaneously. I imagined all sorts of double-penetration and tag-team possibilities. We made small talk for a little while, and they took a few hits on their pot bong. They offered me a hit, but I'd never done any sort of illegal drug, so I passed.

After a bit, the girl walks over to me and raises her shirt to give me a direct look at her breasts. They were spectacular, to say the least. It was almost surreal, as her boyfriend asked if I liked what I saw. "Go ahead and touch them," he said. So I did. A few minutes of my admiration and they suggested that we move to the bedroom.

Once in their bedroom, she was soon naked and I followed suit. He sat over on the opposite side of the room and watched us kiss and caress. It didn't take long for me to get my face between her thighs. Giving oral is something I absolutely crave (and something I'm damned good at), so I was in heaven. It didn't take long for her to shift around to where she was sucking my cock while I was licking her pussy......sort of a modified 69.

I was totally into tasting and licking her and really didn't notice that the boyfriend had moved in closer to watch us. I did, however, notice when I felt another mouth on my cock. I think my entire body tensed up and froze. I was way out of my league now.

I tried to relax (the beers certainly helped) and just not overreact. Gradually, she pulled back and pretty soon it was just his mouth on my cock.....and she was watching. To be honest, I was so into eating her, I almost didn't care. Evidently, she was really getting off on this (and watching him suck me....after we were done, I learned that she totally got off on his sucking another guy off) because in no time I had her writhing and gasping for air. I kept licking away and now she was bobbing up and down in his cock. I couldn't take my eyes off of that. The sight of her mouth sliding up and down his thick, long shaft (yeah, he was quite a big larger than I am) was very erotic.

Now to be honest, I've never been attracted to men. Cocks fascinate me, but men do nothing for me. Having said that, I certainly didn't go limp while he was licking and sucking my cock. I guess a mouth is a mouth. All the while, I can't take my eyes off his cock. It didn't take long for him to get me off and she was nearly nose to nose with him watching it happen.

I was totally spent at this point and my mind and body were flooded with endorphins. At this point, I just laid back and watched him fuck her brains out......hard and fast. I have to admit the guy had stamina because it took him quite awhile to climax.

Do I have regrets? Yes and no. I don't regret the experience because it was totally hot. I do regret not returning the favor and not sucking his cock. I was totally fascinated by the site of it......thick and long, though I'm not, nor never have been attracted to men. But I couldn't take my eyes off his erection. Still, I wonder to this day what it would have felt like to have it in my mouth. I will always wonder about that.

Your thoughts?

Forgive me Farther, for I have sinned....

2005-12-04T07:34:00.000-08:00

No, I'm not Catholic, but I believe confession is good for the heart and soul. I've got quite a few things to confess, but no one to act as my priest. That's where I was hoping you might step in and fill those shoes.

You see, like young Anikan Skywalker, I have a dark side. To the casual (and not-so-casual)observer, I'm a fairly conservative, reserved individual who is prim and proper, but I have many, many secrets that no one (and I mean no one) knows about.

Before your imagination runs too wild, let me say that I'm not violent and I don't steal. Basically, the things I'm referring to involve only me and other consenting adults, but the people closest to me have no idea.

Now, where do I start?

Truth

2005-12-02T17:29:00.000-08:00

Do you ever wonder about how much of what you hear or are told is true? Sometimes I'm not sure anyone is really honest about their thoughts, feelings or beliefs. Hell, we know a lot of people aren't honest about their actions, so why should we expect them to be honest about anything else? After all, you never really know what someone is thinking at any given moment, do you?

I have my own secrets and skeletons, so I'm not proclaiming moral superiority here. However, for this blog......this little piece of the cyber universe, I intend to be brutally honest. Yeah, it's anonymous and maybe that allows me the liberty to be so open and transparent (as one can expect while remaining anonymous), but it also opens me up to all sorts of criticism and judgements from any passing readers and I don't think anyone really looks forward to that (I sure don't).

Having said that, please let me know what you think. I can take it. If I can't, well, it will be a lesson in humility. Everyone can use a little of that, from time to time, don't you think?

Former lurker

2005-12-01T17:35:00.000-08:00

As someone who has lurked on a number of blogs, I'm not sure what has motivated me to pop my cherry, so to speak, but here I am.

More to come soon......